Hello you,
I’m constantly forgetting something at the moment.
I’m full up.
My nervous system is running at capacity with a protective tendency to freeze if I attempt to push or force to take more on. Even if it’s just remembering what I walked into the kitchen for.
Turns out that moving cities, moving in with your girlfriend, becoming a nascent step parent, and upturning the shape your life has been for the last fifteen years is plenty to navigate for one moment in time. Even when change is beautiful and brilliant, our bodies still need time to steady themselves.
It’s a similar sensation to being dumped by a wave. The world as you’ve known it teetering off axis, the uncertainty about which way is up or down, the rushing and tumbling and ungraceful flailing to attempt to right yourself. The tiny panic that maybe this time you won’t.
Luckily I’m an Aussie water baby kid. I grew up playing in surf far too wild. I know that I’ll surface eventually. That when I do I’ll waddle up to solid ground, empty the sand out of my bathers, and blink the salt out of my eyes.
And so, as I live through this moment of topsy turvy destabilisation, I’m getting used to the brain fog. Getting used to living with thoughts and plans and ideas and dreams slipping through my grasp like sand in a colander.
In some part it’s frustrating. There’s an anxiety-inducing sensation of chasing, always a step or two behind the action. Feeling the flicker of inspiration at the corner of my eye, only to have it evaporate into thin air when I turn to look directly at it.
But I’m practicing surrender. Learning to trust that what needs to be will be.
I’m taking a slow breath when I catch myself spinning out about the never ending list of things I should be doing and people I should be being. I’m practicing short-circuiting the rising urgency and critical internal voices that mutter about me not doing enough. I’m learning to trust that it’s all okay.
It’s something I work on with a lot of one-to-one clients. Opening to the idea that it’s all okay. Like, all of it. All of you, all of me, all of life. That every part of your experience can be held with an open palm. All the mess and shit. All of the pleasure and joy.
We spend so much life resisting who we are. Trying to push and force ourselves into shapes that we’re told we should be - productive, tidy, pleasing, good. Measuring ourselves up against external markers and finding ourselves wanting.
But I’m so exhausted with trying to be anything other than what I am. I don’t have the space to pretend to be anything other than me any more. I’m done.
I have no pithy way to wrap this up.
The marketing shoulds I learned along the way of owning a small business are nudging at me to tell you how breathwork and embodiment are the solution. Sell it neatly to you with a nice bow on top.
And they are, in a broad way, the answer. These practices have equipped me with the ability to stay with myself in the tumble of this change. To recognise what’s arising in my nervous system, ground and release energy, and listen to what’s true for me. But it’s not neat or tidy.
It’s simply practicing, time and time again, paying attention to what I’m experiencing. So that all of me can be experienced. Made space for. Tended to. Accepted lovingly.
So I guess that’s what I’ll leave you with, my friend. A simple question and invitation – what would it feel like to meet all of you with loving awareness? What if it’s all okay?
If you want to work with me to become nothing other than who you are, I’m taking on new one-to-one clients right now. Scroll down to book a free discovery call, I’d love to chat with you (just be prepared for my fuzzy mind to forget a word or two mid-sentence)
Oh! And I’m also holding a breathwork group tonight! Thursday 4th of May at 7pm BST. Breathwork is one of the most powerful ways I know to cut through other people’s shoulds and reconnect with the messy truth of yourself. The booking link is below, babe
What’s on
Breathwork
With everything that’s been going on my studies got (unsurprisingly) a little delayed. Which means that I’m extending discounted one-to-one sessions until end of May. So you’ve still got a month to take advantage of half-price breathwork!
Want to clear out some stuckness and step into spring with more clarity and connection to yourself? This is for you!
And if you’re reading this the day it lands in your inbox - come join me for group breathwork! It’s pay-what-you-can (suggested between £5-30) with half the proceeds being donated to The Outside Project, an LGBTQ+ homelessness charity.
Breathwork is a powerful practice that uses the simple magic of your breath to bring you into your body, access a non-ordinary state of consciousness, and support deep self-exploration and transformation.
One-to-One Embodiment
I have a couple of spaces open for one-to-one embodiment guidance. This is a 6-month programme, co-created to be a space where you can reconnect with your body, listen to your intuition, and feel into your power. If you’re looking for a personalised container to support long lasting change and growth, I’d love to speak with you.
Other Things
What’s been sparking for me this month
We’re channelling The Empress’ rich, nurturing vibes this moon cycle in Embodying the Tarot. Don’t tell the other archetypes buts she’s one of my favourites. Come join the circle by becoming a paid subscriber (there’s also a voluptuous new Empress-themed playlist dropped today to soundtrack your Taurus season)
I’ve been enjoying Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott. It’s all non-dualism and shadow work and it’s making my brain all tingly with curiosity
This episode of We Can Do Hard Things, in which Glennon talks about her experience of eating disorder recovery and learning to be in her body
I’ve been thinking a lot about how to create a business that’s anti-capitalist and this conversation with Bear Herbert was a lightbulb moment (more on that soon!)
This song is deeply soothing to me
Also the internet suggested that songs at 154bpm do something steadying to an ADHD brain. I wanted to try it out so I made a playlist and it kinda worked?! You’re welcome to test it too if you run a little neurodivergent