Getting right-sized
Hello you,
Last week I stood in the space I had dreamed about for Studio Dreamland. Ever since I began my plans to move to Nottingham this exact unit is what I’d held in my mind when I pictured the place SDL would call home. A part of converted fruit market with high ceilings, lots of natural light, weird little cosy nooks, and a wildly creative community of neighbours.
I’d peered through the wide glass windows and imagined where we’re build the treatment room, how the shop would be laid out, the big oak table we’d have on the mezzanine for zine-making workshops and therapeutic D&D sessions. I’d started to ponder what softness I’d need to add in the group studio space to counterbalance the concrete floors so that you’d have a sweet place to rest your body down comfortably.
Last week I stood in the space with these visions swirling around me and I knew it wasn’t right.
In fact it was bigger than that. Deeper. It stuck me like a sorrowful lightning bolt as I said my thanks to the property manager and walked home – opening a physical studio space wasn’t right. Not right now.
I couldn’t really explain why, there was no logic to it. Just the kind of visceral knowing that I’ve learned I need to pay attention to.
How very fucking inconvenient.
I’d been trying to skirt over it, the knowing. Papering the cracks with business plans and applications for start up funding. Thinking that maybe I could catch myself in the busy slipstream of doing the things. Chivvy myself along with the practicalities in the hope that my gut would catch up eventually.
Problem was that somewhere along the line the dream of Studio Dreamland had swollen beyond the bounds of my resources and capacity. This isn’t about lone-wolfing, more that SDL had shapeshifted from the radical wellbeing studio of my dreams into what I thought it needed to be to be ‘proper’.
My excitable mind (and ego, tbh) was egged on by the promise of legitimacy and ‘dreaming big’ until I found myself plotting to take on thousands of pounds in debt without the community of clients or fellow practitioners yet gathered to support it. And, perhaps more importantly, without the coherence of my body and heart being on board either.
And so as I walked home, the glittering fantasy my mind had spun for me began to crack open. I realised was time to get Studio Dreamland right-sized again.
Right-sizing is a concept I learned from one of my teachers - Luna Dietrich. It’s a feeling of somatic coherence. Of mind and heart and gut working together. It means not leaving parts of you behind and not making yourself wrong for the things that you need.
So if, for example, the studio you’re working to open is also putting you in a deep freeze response, and you’re compromising the values that sit at it’s heart in order to make it work at this size, and the community of amazing clients and practitioners you have around you are all online and not in the place you’re opening the studio, maybe you need to examine why you’re pushing forward.
As someone who’s slowly unlearning a lifetime of people pleasing and playing the part, right-sizing has been a really fucking useful skill.
In the past I’d figure out who I needed to be in any given situation and dutifully perform that role. Business owner? Great. I’ll do anything that’s needed, no matter that I’m pushing past my capacity and running on a cycle of over effort and collapse. Good wife? I’ve got it covered, no matter that I’m quietly overriding my needs and resentful all the time.
These days I’m not so willing to abandon parts of myself.
I’m no longer up for pushing through. So when my body said ‘opening SDL at this size is freaking me out so much that I’m dissociating’ and my intuition said ‘SDL is all about community and building that is part of the creation process’ I slowed down enough to listen. To grieve the nice tidy idea I had of the physical studio and surrender to right-sizedness that looks more hybrid. More online. Even if it required a left turn from best laid plans.
I mean, obviously this is all a practice. I continue to be a sweet, fallible human. It might have taken me a couple of months to recognise that SDL had morphed out of shape but at least I noticed something felt out of whack before I committed to a £15000/pa rental agreement.
Saying no to the physical studio doesn’t mean it will never exist. Just not now. And saying yes to things being right-sized means that other portals of how to birth this business have opened up. Opportunities and ideas that wouldn’t have had space to breathe if the physical space had gone ahead.
That’s the thing that soothes me most about right-sizing. It’s fluid. Changeable. Sometimes you need to expand, sometimes you need to ease back. And, despite what my mind wants me to believe, surrendering to the flux takes you where you need to go.
A small spell for right-sizing:
May all of our parts get to be present. May we stop making ourselves wrong. May we make the hard choice to not abandon ourselves. May we ground into what is right-sized for us in this moment. May we surrender and change directions when needed. May we trust the unfolding.
Breath Spells – 7pm BST, July 14th 2024
You know how I was just talking about coherence? The alignment of mind, body, spirit, energy? That’s also what a spell is. Getting everything pointing in the same direction.
Breathwork is one of the most powerful tools I know for tuning into that.
The breath drops you down below that rolling chatter of your mind and into the places that speak in feelings and sensation. It brings all of you to the table.
Every month I hold a group breathwork practice, where we attune to the things we desire and plant the seeds for them to bloom (in right-size). It’s some good shit. You should come.
Pricing is sliding scale and there’s a replay sent out to everyone.
NEW One-to-One package
I’ve been playing with creating a one-to-one container for a deeper dive into breath, rest and magic making. This is for the folks looking for three months of holding to support their nervous system, mental health, and energy.
If you’re looking for no-bullshit spiritual practice, radical wellbeing, and a place that you can deeply nurture yourself and (re)connect to spirit this is it.
If you’re feeling bedraggled by the state of the world, stuck about making change (on a personal or collective level), or disconnected from your magic, this is for you.
It’s in prototype stage, and I’m offering it at a discount for the first couple of people who want to dive in. If that’s you, hit reply and drop me an email or book in a free Zoom coffee date to have a chat.
Radical Rest Studio
Have you downloaded this little freebie yet? I made it a while ago as a resource to support folks feeling burnt out, over-stretched, and exhausted.
If you need some practices and reminders of how to cultivate rest, the Radical Rest Studio is for you. I hope it helps you slow down and put two fingers up to productivity culture by getting radically rested:
Ahhh I love the idea of right-sizing. I too have had times in my life when I've wanted to go big but my intuition calls me back down, leading me towards something which is usually much "smaller" but can still be very fulfilling (and more sustainable). Good for you going with your gut, even when it's hard. (And since I'm in the States I'm also happy you'll be continuing hybrid offerings. I attended the breathwork session you did with the Breathwork Liberation Society recently and have been wanting to thank you for that, because I had such a wonderful experience and was introduced to some gorgeous music by way of your playlist—so thank you, I'll be back for more!) Anyway, just wanted to chime in and thank you for your work as a whole, I appreciate it so much 💖
Elle thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this! I’m proud of you for listening to yourself and giving us all this example so we can practice too. I really needed to hear it 🖤 and I’m excited to see how this dream unfolds ✨